Phase 14 marks a sacred turning point in the Phasing Out of Trauma journey. It is the second phase in Moving Beyond Our Trauma—a place where healing begins to shift from understanding what happened to us toward compassionately addressing how we learned to survive it.

Many women enter this phase carrying a painful realization:

“Sometimes I feel like I am my own worst enemy.”

This awareness can feel heavy, even shame-inducing, but Phase 14 invites us to see it differently—not as evidence of failure, but as an invitation into deeper mercy.

The Logic of Survival

When we experience trauma—especially trauma that defies logic, safety, or reason—our nervous systems and minds do what they must to survive. In the absence of protection and healthy support, we create whatever logic we can to make sense of the world and to keep ourselves going.

That survival logic often shapes:

• our thoughts

• our behaviors

• our relationships

• our coping strategies

• our life choices

While those choices may have helped us survive then, many of them became unhealthy or harmful over time—to ourselves and sometimes to others.

Some survivors became overly controlling in an attempt to create safety.
Some turned to substances, food, sex, or work to numb pain or seek connection.
Some lived with unprocessed rage.
Some withdrew into depression and neglect.

None of these behaviors appeared out of nowhere.
They grew in soil shaped by trauma, fear, arrested development, and unmet needs.

This Is Phase is about Awareness and Healing

Phase 14 is not about beating yourself up.
It is not about replaying regret.
It is not about reliving shame.

Instead, think of this phase like removing a splinter that has been festering under the skin.

You don’t shame yourself for having a splinter.
You notice it.
You gently remove it.
You apply medicine.
And you allow healing to happen.

You are now strong enough—grounded enough—to look honestly at behaviors that once protected you but no longer serve you. And you can do so without cruelty toward yourself.

Forgiving the Woman Who Was Trying to Survive

In this phase, you are invited to forgive yourself for behaviors that grew out of trauma.

For example:

• A woman who became promiscuous while searching for love can forgive herself—and offer compassion to the younger version of herself who just wanted to be held and chosen.

• A woman who learned to control others to feel safe can forgive herself for not knowing another way at the time.

• A woman who numbed herself to survive unbearable pain can forgive herself for choosing relief when no support was available.

Forgiveness here is not approval of harm. It is understanding without condemnation.

God’s Compassion Is Greater Than You Imagine

Many women quietly carry a question into this phase: “Father, can You still love me knowing all the things I’ve done?”

The answer of Scripture—and of the heart of God—is yes. God’s compassion does not shrink in the presence of trauma-based behaviors. In fact, Scripture reminds us that God’s judgment falls more heavily on those who harm the vulnerable than on the vulnerable themselves. Trauma arrests development. In many ways, survivors remain the little ones Scripture speaks of—those deserving protection, not condemnation.

If God forgives willful sin when we come with true repentance, how much more compassion does He extend to behaviors we never would have chosen if safety, love, and care had been present?

Grace does not run out here.
Mercy does not hesitate here.
Love does not withdraw here.

Freedom, Identity, and Purpose

As guilt and shame loosen their grip, something beautiful begins to happen.

You reclaim your identity.
You rediscover your gifts.
You grow more grounded and secure.
You begin to live from love rather than survival.

Phase 14 clears space for purpose—not driven by proving or fixing, but flowing from freedom. As you forgive yourself and receive God’s compassion, you are released to be the woman He created you to be.

You can shine.
Not because you were perfect.
But because you are healed, healing, and deeply loved.

Phase 14 Invitation

If you find yourself standing at the edge of this phase, know this:
You are not your worst moments.
You are not your coping strategies.
You are not the sum of what you did to survive.

You are worthy of compassion—especially from yourself.
And God’s mercy is already waiting to meet you here.

Advent is a season of waiting—a slow, sacred exhale after a year that may have stretched your nervous system to its edges. For many survivors of trauma, this time of year carries mixed emotions: longing, hope, weariness, triggers from old memories, or the heaviness of unmet expectations.

One of the kindest things you can offer yourself during Advent is a moment to reset your vagus nerve, the core of your parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural “rest, settle, and feel safe again” system.

And the good news?
It doesn’t take long.
It doesn’t require privacy or quiet.
It simply invites you to slow down and return to your body, where God already meets you.

Why the Vagus Nerve Matters in Trauma Recovery

Trauma often keeps the nervous system on alert—heart racing, breath shallow, thoughts spinning. In Phase One of POOT, women begin acknowledging not just the story of trauma, but the effects that linger in their bodies: tightness, disconnection, overwhelm, or numbness.

Vagus nerve resets help:

• decrease anxiety

• calm intrusive thoughts

• slow the heart rate

• soften the body’s “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn”

• open space to hear God’s voice again

Think of it as giving your soul room to breathe.

And Advent—this quiet season of expectation—is the perfect time to practice.

A Simple Advent Vagus Reset: The Eye-Gaze Method

This one takes under one minute, and it’s one of the fastest ways to downshift your nervous system.

How to Do It

1. Sit or stand comfortably.

2. Without moving your head, look all the way to your right.

3. Stay there until you naturally yawn or swallow.

4. Slowly bring your eyes back to center.

5. Then look all the way to your left.

6. Stay until you yawn or swallow.

7. Return to center and take one slow breath.

These involuntary yawns or swallows indicate that your parasympathetic system has activated—your body is settling.

Why It Helps

This gentle eye movement stimulates the vagus nerve’s pathway through the face and head, signaling to your brain:

“We are safe. We can soften now.”

An Advent Reflection to Pair With Your Reset

You can turn this quick practice into prayer:

“Lord, settle my body so my heart can hear You.
Calm the places that have forgotten how to rest.
Prepare room in me for Your peace.”

Other Advent-Friendly Vagus Resets

These echo the grounding practices in Phase 1, allowing your body to reconnect with God’s presence.

1. Breath Lengthening

Breathe in for 4 counts, out for 6.
(Your exhale activates the vagus nerve.)

2. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding with God

See 5 things… feel 4… hear 3… smell 2… taste 1.
Whisper: “I am safe. God is near.”

3. Humming or soft singing

Humming vibrates the vagus nerve.
Try a simple refrain:
“Come, Lord Jesus.”

4. Warmth on the chest

Press your palm over your heart.
Say: “Here I am, Lord.”

What Happens When We Reset Regularly?

As women in Phasing Out of Trauma learn throughout the early phases, healing the nervous system is not separate from healing the soul—it is deeply intertwined. Resetting the vagus nerve repeatedly helps you:

• experience God’s peace more easily

• stay present during emotional moments

• remain grounded during holiday triggers

• strengthen your capacity to receive joy

• rebuild safety inside your own body

This is Advent work:
Making room. Clearing space. Welcoming peace.

A Final Blessing for Your Advent

May your nervous system soften.
May your breath deepen.
May your body remember what safety feels like.
May Christ find you in every exhale.
And may this season be one of gentle, God-filled restoration.

Let us know if you try them how they're working for you.