Phase 14:
I forgive myself for unhealthy behaviors that resulted from my trauma.
I embrace God’s compassion and am free to be the ‘me’ He created me to be.
Phase 14 marks a sacred turning point in the Phasing Out of Trauma journey. It is the second phase in Moving Beyond Our Trauma—a place where healing begins to shift from understanding what happened to us toward compassionately addressing how we learned to survive it.
Many women enter this phase carrying a painful realization:
“Sometimes I feel like I am my own worst enemy.”
This awareness can feel heavy, even shame-inducing, but Phase 14 invites us to see it differently—not as evidence of failure, but as an invitation into deeper mercy.
The Logic of Survival
When we experience trauma—especially trauma that defies logic, safety, or reason—our nervous systems and minds do what they must to survive. In the absence of protection and healthy support, we create whatever logic we can to make sense of the world and to keep ourselves going.
That survival logic often shapes:
our thoughts
our behaviors
our relationships
our coping strategies
our life choices
While those choices may have helped us survive then, many of them became unhealthy or harmful over time—to ourselves and sometimes to others.
Some survivors became overly controlling in an attempt to create safety.
Some turned to substances, food, sex, or work to numb pain or seek connection.
Some lived with unprocessed rage.
Some withdrew into depression and neglect.
None of these behaviors appeared out of nowhere.
They grew in soil shaped by trauma, fear, arrested development, and unmet needs.
This Is Phase is about Awareness and Healing
Phase 14 is not about beating yourself up.
It is not about replaying regret.
It is not about reliving shame.
Instead, think of this phase like removing a splinter that has been festering under the skin.
You don’t shame yourself for having a splinter.
You notice it.
You gently remove it.
You apply medicine.
And you allow healing to happen.
You are now strong enough—grounded enough—to look honestly at behaviors that once protected you but no longer serve you. And you can do so without cruelty toward yourself.
Forgiving the Woman Who Was Trying to Survive
In this phase, you are invited to forgive yourself for behaviors that grew out of trauma.
For example:
A woman who became promiscuous while searching for love can forgive herself—and offer compassion to the younger version of herself who just wanted to be held and chosen.
A woman who learned to control others to feel safe can forgive herself for not knowing another way at the time.
A woman who numbed herself to survive unbearable pain can forgive herself for choosing relief when no support was available.
Forgiveness here is not approval of harm. It is understanding without condemnation.
God’s Compassion Is Greater Than You Imagine
Many women quietly carry a question into this phase: “Father, can You still love me knowing all the things I’ve done?”
The answer of Scripture—and of the heart of God—is yes. God’s compassion does not shrink in the presence of trauma-based behaviors. In fact, Scripture reminds us that God’s judgment falls more heavily on those who harm the vulnerable than on the vulnerable themselves. Trauma arrests development. In many ways, survivors remain the little ones Scripture speaks of—those deserving protection, not condemnation.
If God forgives willful sin when we come with true repentance, how much more compassion does He extend to behaviors we never would have chosen if safety, love, and care had been present?
Grace does not run out here.
Mercy does not hesitate here.
Love does not withdraw here.
Freedom, Identity, and Purpose
As guilt and shame loosen their grip, something beautiful begins to happen.
You reclaim your identity.
You rediscover your gifts.
You grow more grounded and secure.
You begin to live from love rather than survival.
Phase 14 clears space for purpose—not driven by proving or fixing, but flowing from freedom. As you forgive yourself and receive God’s compassion, you are released to be the woman He created you to be.
You can shine.
Not because you were perfect.
But because you are healed, healing, and deeply loved.
Phase 14 Invitation
If you find yourself standing at the edge of this phase, know this:
You are not your worst moments.
You are not your coping strategies.
You are not the sum of what you did to survive.
You are worthy of compassion—especially from yourself.
And God’s mercy is already waiting to meet you here.
